I Am Nobody
by Matt Morwell
Summary: Strings POV. The splintered thoughts of a duelist who isn't given a choice.
1. Nobody

**_I Am Nobody_**

_by Matt Morwell_

_A/N: Insert usual disclaimer here (I don't own YGO, but I collect cards!). This plot bunny raced up to me, bit my ankle at midnight (right when I was going to go to bed – how inconvenient for me), and insisted I write. So I whipped this up in the space of about 15 - 20 minutes. Enjoy!_

------- 

Here I stand. On a bench. In Domino City. Waiting for someone. Waiting for someone. 

There go passersby. They think, "Strange. He isn't moving." I care not. Why should I? I should not. 

I do not. 

Who am I? 

I am me. 

I am nobody. 

I am another. 

I am... bald. 

For a split-second, clarity of mind returns to me. For most of my days now, I have only been able to think in the most basic terms, only been _allowed_ to think in the most basic terms. He doesn't let me think for myself anymore, not so long as he can help it. He exerts two different kinds of control; the first is the mystical control that I still have yet to grasp, and it is likely I never will grasp it. The second is the control that everyone knows about and nobody wants to face. He breaks me, every day. He pierces my skin. He has taken every hair I have ever grown. He abuses me and makes me strike ridiculous poses and allows people to mock me, people to jeer at me. Birds excrete on my shoulders, dogs urinate on my legs. And he doesn't care. 

He needs me. 

He needs me. 

I am special. 

No. 

I am him. 

I am nobody. 

The clarity, it's back. It all comes rushing back to me again. I can remember; I have the simplest joy of being able to remember! It's all coming back to me now, and I want to move, I want to move, I want to scream, I want to be heard, I want to tell them that this is not right and I don't belong here and I'm under his control and somebody help me _please!_

I am nobody. 

I am another. 

I am needed. 

My feet move. They move me. I move there. I move first. Then I run. I run fast. Must run faster. Must find him. Must meet him. Must challenge him. Must destroy him. Must take it. 

Take Millennium Puzzle. 

Puzzle on him. 

Take Millennium Puzzle. 

I am nobody. 

I am another. 

It's back again. The wind howls around us as the great red creature emerges from the confines of its card. Its huge tail stretches out, around me, around a pole, a light fixture, a newspaper stand, and trails into the darkened heavens as it stares at that person trapped within the spiked cage. Who is he? I don't know who he is, and I want to. Maybe he can help me! 

I am nobody. 

I am another. 

I am _him_. 

I am nothing. 

Simply a tool. 

His play thing. 

A teddy bear. 

Not teddy bear. Those are soft. Those are warm. Those are nice. He is not. 

I care not. I am nobody. 

I am another. 

An empty shell. 

A mindless being. 

No, not mindless. But yes, empty. 

I am nothing. 

My humanity comes back to me for another second as he grows impatient for the man across from me to... make his move? What the devil is that supposed to mean, "Make his move?" What is this? Oh, that's right... this is Duel Monsters. It was my favorite game! It still is! ... What? We're playing Duel Monsters? I'm playing Duel Monsters with this man? The monsters are _real?_ What's happening to me?! I'm going insane and I can't do anything about it hey you over there don't look down at those stupid cards look at me look into my eyes I can't say anything to you because he won't let me say anything but I need someone to help me maybe you can help me maybe you can get me far far away from him so he won't abuse me anymore and I can live my life the way I want to and I can think and do everything I ever wanted to do and find my own future and be rid of him oh please help me help me _help me help me help me help me help me **help me help me help me helpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmeHELPMEHELPMEHELPMEHELPME!!!**_

I am nobody. 

I am another. 

... 

I have lost. 

I have failed. 

He won't win. 

He did win. 

He won't win. 

He will suffer. 

I will suffer. 

I will forget. 

I care not. 

I am nobody. 

I am another. 

------- 

_Care to review? Please do!_


	2. Somebody

_A/N: One-shot? What one-shot? I don't remember calling this a one-shot. And you can't prove I did! Like you would want to. Enjoy the new installment!_

* * *

On my knees. On the ground. Near the water. Near the shore. Here I am. Here I've been. Here so long...

In Domino City. No people here. It is night. Stars are bright. One star, especially. So very bright. Shines on me.

No, not star. Moon, isn't it?

I don't know. Here so long. Can't look up.

Can't even_ think_.

No, can think. Just not much. Never could, much. No, not right. Could think once. Could think much.

Just... not now.

When was that? When I thought?

Do I know?

Can I remember?

...Will someone help?

I cannot recall. I don't know. When I thought. I thought much. Thought a lot. Believed a lot. Believed too much? Maybe I did. What I earned?

Lost my friends.

Lost my family.

Lost my hair.

Lost my dignity.

Lost my will.

Lost my sanity.

Lost my life.

Gained so little. So very little.

–

I am... remembering... now.

I can think more.

The sun is rising. Or is the moon? I cannot say which. It's been so long. I can't look up. Can't lift my head.

What was I doing? Why am I here?

But I already know. I know what happened. I remember what happened.

Afterward, I saw everything. He made me see. He made me watch. Over and over again. Yes, I failed him. It was my fault. It_ is_ my fault. It always has been. Never was it _his_. He was always blameless.

But is that true? And if so... how? Why was it always– What did I do–

I can't think right! I can't put together– I can't construct a– Four words, that's all! I can only combine– I'm only able to– I can only string–

Wait, just a moment. Did I say "string"? Wasn't that my name? No, wait, it wasn't. It was what he– It was what I– I was called "Strings".

But... _who am I?_

Oh, yes, I remember. I am nobody. I am another.

No, no, no, no! That can't be right anymore! I've been here too– Kneeling here on the– Kneeling on the ground! Always staring straight down! If he wanted me– If he remembered me– ...I would have been summoned. Yes, surely, by now. Summons would have come.

He has forgotten me.

I have been forgotten.

I have been discarded. Like a rotten vegetable.

–

Night has fallen once again. I am still kneeling here. My stomach cries for nourishment. My eyes plead to blink. My nose burns for moisture. My bowels groan for release. My bones are becoming brittle.

And my scalp is itching.

My thought process slowly returns. I have been pushing myself. I want to remember myself. I want my life back. That's assuming I had one.

What else can be expected? Everything was taken from me. Taken by that little maniac. Even now, I can't think. Not like I used to. I'm sure I had thoughts. Thoughts more engaging than these.

My body flares in anger. My whole being wants revenge. I want to destroy him. I want him to suffer. I want him to despair.

But that is completely impossible. I don't remember his face. I barely know his servants. I barely even knew myself.

I have nothing left me. Except, perhaps, the cards here. Duel Monsters cards all around. They litter the cold ground. They've been here too long.

As long as myself, apparently. Covered with layers of dew. But I can't do it. I can't make myself move. This does not surprise me. I can't remember moving myself. It's hard simply to think.

My clothes have become damp. I'm taxed to my limits. My body begs for change. If I don't move, I'll– If I stay, I'll die.

I force myself to move. Just the smallest bit, but– I can make myself move. I know I can move. I just have to try. That was my problem before. I wasn't trying to move. I never needed to try. He always made me move.

–

But not anymore.

He's no longer with me. I couldn't do it without him. But now... now I must. And so I move. I push myself. A single finger, at first. That's all I need, a finger. A sign of encouragement. A way to say, "Yes! I can move freely!"

Perhaps I'm deluding myself. I wouldn't be surprised. It's not the first time. But if I am, then... I... hope... I... don't... wake... up...

Did... did I just think eleven words?

That must have been a... delusion... too.

...Six! Seven! I'm not deluding myself! I can do it if... I... try!

Now it's my entire hand. It flexes its fingers... flexes as though they always had. I can move my hand!

Slowly, the movement spreads. Now it's up to my arm. To my elbow. Upper arm, shoulder. I'm wiggling my entire arm. Like it's made of rubber. Oh, if only to see my reflection! The water's right over there!

No, no, I must wait. I must move elsewhere. To a lavatory, perhaps? Yes, yes, my bowels cry. And there will be mirrors. And lights, and people.

People? No, I cannot trust them.

But if I don't... how can I say I'm different?

I despair so easily. I cannot hope to reintegrate. Not into their society. Not so quickly. Not as easily as that. I am damaged. I am worthless. I am nothing!

I must stop this. My despair leads me nowhere. My despair makes me nobody.

I am not nothing.

I am not nobody.

I am somebody.

I am me.

I am me.


End file.
